I survived my first week in my new job. I have to admit--although I'd absolutely love to go back to being a 5th grade teacher, I have about as close to having a teaching position in 5th grade as I'm gonna get (well, for this year at least). Let me explain....
Another teacher and I are responsible for the third, fourth, and fifth grade special needs students. We have students with learning disabilities, emotional disabilities, and impairments due to ADHD or other factors. Our students are mainstreamed...they spend as much time in the regular classroom as they can and still learn the material. We provide instructional support within the regular classroom and we also pull students out and teach small groups. My caseload consists of all the fifth grade students we service in our school. What luck!! I'd be pulling out the fifth grade reading and math groups and having the fifth grade study hall in my classroom each day. I also have a fourth grade math group 4 times a week, fourth grade study hall every day, and I go into a third grade classroom to help students with math. Overall, I like how my schedule is set up.
I was allowed to keep my classroom that I had the past two years as a fifth grade teacher. I still get to talk with my fifth grade cohorts on a regular basis. I even have lunch at the same time as two of the fifth grade teachers. And, at the end of each day, I get to stand in the hallway and watch two of the fifth grade classes at dismissal time. This is probably the highlight of my day! Not only do I get to mingle with the kiddos, my sixth grade and seventh grade students can get off the buses and come visit me for a few minutes before dismissal. I've had five students visit me so far. It's so good to have the opportunity to see them and hear how their year is going.
Do I like my job? No. Do I hate my job? No. Am I doing the best I can at my job? Yes. These kids need someone who cares about them and wants to help them succeed. They need someone who will take the extra time to teach them the way they learn. Do I want to be that person? Honestly, no, I don't. Do I have to be that person for a year? Yes, I do. I might as well make the most of it. I just really hope it doesn't come back to get me and I won't be able to move out of this position. I keep waiting to experience that joy that I felt when I taught preschool and fifth grade. I know I never experienced that joy when I taught K-2 Special Education. Will it come with time? Maybe. Right now I just feel like someone has taken my heart & soul and I'm just a shell. Maybe someday I'll get my heart & soul back.
One bright spot this week: I went into the third grade classroom for the first time. As I walked in, the teacher was in the middle of her math lesson. One of the boys looked at me and did a double-take. He whispered, "What are YOU doing in here?" I whispered back, "I'm in here to help." He asked, "Don't you teach fifth grade?" I said, "Well, yeah..." and before I could finish, he said, "Well, what did you do with your kids then??" I guess he thought I left them to fend for themselves while I popped into the third grade to check things out!! I did get a chuckle out of that.
