It's been forever since I blogged. The main reason: my computer crashed a few months back. At first I was going through facebook/email/blogging withdrawl. Then, as time went on, I actually enjoyed not having a computer in the house. I found that I spent an insane amount of time mindlessly checking facebook or looking up things on the internet. Finally--I had freedom at home to do things like dishes, or laundry. :)
Anyways....a few things have happened that I should take time to talk about in this entry. First, I have been keeping my buddy, C, a lot more. He's going through some things at home right now, so I try to spend one day during the week and a day on the weekend with him. He's been coming with me to church, and my family has shown him there are people in this world who are responsible, respectful, and do care about others. Second, I've taken another little guy, H, under my wing. I don't spend near the time with him that I do with C, but H and his family have a special place in this teacher's heart. I've taken him a few times antiquing, which both our families enjoy doing. Third, I have nixed the Boston trip for this summer. I have a few other ideas planned in the travel department (more to come on that later). Fourth, I have decided to go ahead and pursue a Master's degree in Education starting this summer. I was going to work on this after my 5th year of teaching, but our state has passed some...new rules and regulations. It would be in my best interest to begin before July 1, 2011, which is exactly what I'm going to do. Fifth, I borrowed a laptop from C and his mom. I'm hoping to order a new Macbook after July 4th.
There's another huge, major event that has happened in the past month for me....and it's not a pleasant event. I am moving teaching assignments this fall. I've screamed, cried, begged, and agonized over this. I've met with my immediate supervisor on several occasions and our superintendent as well. As of this fall, I will not be teaching 5th grade, but teaching Special Education grades 3-5. Now, before you go thinking I'm a heartless person, or wondering what on earth there is to agonize over, let me tell you my case...
My very first year of teaching I taught Special Education grades K-2. If you're unfamiliar with what all that entails, basically I am a resource room for students who need extra time and help in Language Arts and Math. I had an assistant under my direction, and between the two of us we had some 10 students in grades K-2. Some students we helped in their regular classroom and some students came to our classroom for study time or for additional instruction. Doesn't sound too bad, does it? I loved the kids. Absolutely loved them (and kept in touch with quite a few during my various placements over the years). Now, for the not-so-lovely part: I never had them to myself. I spent a large part of the school day splitting my time observing students who were being referred to the program, working on Individual Education Plans (IEP's) for my students, and having case conferences with parents/students/other personnel. My point of view: I went into teaching so I could work with students. Bottom line. Did I get to do that? Yes. Did I get to do that as much as a general education teacher who has the same 20 students all day? Certainly not. I knew after that year of teaching that I never wanted to be a special education teacher again. Give me any student with special needs...inside of my general education classroom.
Fast forward a few years. I've had a preschool classroom for one year and 5th grade for two years. I was perfectly content staying in 5th grade a 3rd year, but God has other plans for me. He must have seen that I take time to work with those kids in my classroom that need the extra help. He must have seen that I gave up my prep time and my break time to keep kids who didn't understand math or reading. He has a plan for me. It's taken me over a month to realize that. I've cried, stayed in bed, and generally questioned my effectiveness as a teacher through this time. I still cannot believe that I won't have MY kids next year. I'll be sharing them with a classroom teacher. They'll be coming in and out of my classroom like I have a revolving door.
I still cannot believe that I've been told I have no control over my students. I still cannot believe, that although my kids did well on their report cards and ISTEP testing, that I am not an effective 5th grade teacher. I still cannot believe I've been stripped of my status as a general education teacher.
I know...what's the big deal? I have a job next year in a time when many are either losing their jobs or cannot find work. I'm still working with the teachers that I love dearly. Hey, I don't even have to move classrooms! I'll have a wonderful assistant this fall who has done her best to put a smile on my face even though she has her own battles going on. I know....what's wrong with me???
I'll tell you what's wrong...I haven't been given a "good" answer as to why I've been moved. There's not a single thing that I've been told that makes any sense. I'm not effective in my position...okay, then tell me where I've not been effective. Why are my evaluations good if I wasn't effective? Why, when I was told I was going to Kindergarten last summer, was I put back in 5th grade if I "can't handle it"? I have no control over my kids. Okay....why haven't any of them (save one early on in the year) been to the principal's office? I had an excellent group this year. They were not only well-behaved, they treated each other with respect (well, as much as 10 and 11-year olds can). Sure, we got a little loud now and then. Show me a classroom that hasn't. It still beats me....test scores were good, report cards were good, and parents were very pleased. I just don't get it.
Anywho...I'm trying to get over it. I have good days and bad days with it. Until you've walked a mile in my shoes....don't judge me.
So, now what?
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